Heart-on-display

Ok so as you may have noticed I like to use “code names” on my blog. They are a little bit random but that’s how I like it and at least you can keep up with all the different boys I’m talking about.

So I have been talking with this boy lately and I have a feeling he will probably feature in my blog a little bit every now and then. His code name “Mr catfish” a stroke of genius I know *takes bow*.

Anyway Mr Catfish and I have been talking for about a year now on and off. He’s asked me to “go out with him/ be his girlfriend” twice each time I was coming out of a relationship. The first time I didn’t really give him an answer because I’d been asked on a couple of dates with another guy and Mr Catfish hasn’t even hung out with me in person. The second time because I’d just been dumped and I really wasn’t in the mood for being in another relationship or boyfriend hopping I turned him down just saying that I needed to be single for a while.

We get along alright, we mostly just text or talk on facebook chat or msn sometimes we even do video calls. He has admitted to having feelings for me in a roundabout way but he won’t ask me out. He asked me to have a sleep over with him which I said no to as I know sleepovers usually mean sex and if any of you girls out there think other wise then you will probably have a rude awakening.

In other words, no that is not a flash light in his pocket and yes he is happy to see you, but that is probably only because he wants something and your co-operation is required for that something to happen.

Mr Catfish and I were talking the other day and the conversation touched on “bed buddies” and he got a bit excited about this. “Bed Buddies/ Friends with benefits” is generally when two people have agreed to use each other for the purpose of sex.

I have nothing against sex but it’s not what I want at the moment I need something that’s more. I’d rather have someone who’s loyal and dependable. Who is there because they want to be and who enjoys talking to me.

Not someone who has sex with you then disappears for 2 weeks only to show up again and continue the pattern. That’s not the kind of life I want, I don’t enjoy nor do I want to be treated like a piece of meat. I have had some experience with this in the past and it was no fun for me and I hated it. I’m really not interested in doing it again.

So for the moment I like Mr Catfish and he likes me. But I have little hope that anything will ever happen which is a bit of a pity. For now it looks like we’ll just be friends but that’s an outcome that I can live.

Any advice is always welcome.

Its official my brothers suck at being brothers. It there somewhere you can go to "hire" a brother or get brotherly advice? If there is please drop me a line. I would seriously love to know.

You see I could talk about this stuff with my girl friends but the problem is that they are worse at this “boy” stuff than I am and the thing about talking to girls is that you get a girls perspective. I already have one of them, I need the male perspective. I need some brotherly advice. Alas my brothers are letting me down in that department.

So,

Dear men,
Any advice you can grace my blog with would be appreciated.

Please feel free to comment on my posts or even follow my blog. It means a lot to me.

Thanks.

I want a guy/boyfriend, but at the same time I’m repulsed by the very idea.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m straight, I’m very straight. I know because I’ve considered batting for the other team quite a few times after becoming fed up with men and changing teams just isn’t an option for me (no matter how much I sometimes with it was).

I mean it would be great if I could I have some amazing friends we get along great. They are fun, don’t burp fart use foul language or other off putting or offensive gestures.

They are clean, neat, and beautiful and they are there when I need them. Unfortunately I like men. Who all too often are everything there not. Sometimes you’ll come across someone and he’ll surprise you, trouble is once you really like them you find out they have a girlfriend.

Then there are the “Nice Guys”. The guys that are nice but either is always the friend, can’t get or can’t keep a girlfriend. Now I have met quite a few of you. You probably have girls turn you down and say that you are “too nice” and you think “how can someone be too nice???” I never understood it either and then I met a couple of you and then I understood. Now I don’t mean to me mean, but I wouldn’t date you and honestly not a lot of girls would.

I’ve been asked out by a nice guy before, I turned him down. Probably if one or two things had been different I would have said yes.

He was always nervous around me. I don’t know why. Apparently he was never like it when I wasn’t around. But his nerves actually made me nervous and it made me feel unsafe. Which is weird because he’d be the last person that I would ever expect to hurt me. Also he didn’t flirt with me. I wished I was interested in him but I wasn’t and it sucked because he was an amazing guy.

So dear “Nice Guys” you are amazing and I would love it if you could evolve just a little bit. You know that guy who gets all the girls and is a dick to them (or some variation of the same) you should do some homework. Ignore what a jerk he is (trust me that is not what attracts them, at least not the smart ones) and figure out what it is that girls are attracted to, is he confident, charming or a good flirt…. Hell I bet on it he’s not clingy. It’s amazing how clingy guys can’t or don’t realise there clingy.

Then when you figure it out work on it “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT” once you’ve done that please come find me. (I may just be hiding under a rock some where)

Alone, I feel the weight of it as it sinks in.
There is an urge to check my phone as I pull the covers over me and I resist because I know that there will be nothing there.
There is no one to message goodnight just because I can. It saddens my heart because all I want is a hug. Its Christmas night and I have no one to call mine.
I’m alone. But I’m ok, I know who I am, I know what I need and I’m slowly working out what I want.

Ahh.... My emotions are all over the shop once again thanks to Taken Guy...

So I had an accident the other day ridding someone’s horse, it is the worst fall I have had though didn't tell my parents. My hip hurt quite a bit and I was hobbling around, so I went to taken guys place just to catch up and so my parents wouldn't catch on that I’d had the fall...

I don't know what’s going on, is it possible for him to be more attractive every time I see him??

Anyway he went and found me some clothes apparently I was going swimming with him. So we just talked and swam till his parents come home then I had dinner with them and we watched TV till it was late and his parents had gone to bed...

So we were just lying on the floor in his lounge room talking and sort of watching TV, him trying not to poke me too much cos I was in pain and occasionally running his hand through my hair.

Then all of a sudden he gets up holds out his hand to help me up, I think ok must be home time for me... so I "hobble" out to get my shoes he walks close behind me always too close… Touching... He walks me out to my car; I opened the door the interior light comes on.

"Aw look at all the beautiful start and you recked it" he says and sits on the boot of my car...

Ok I think, so I close the door.

I was cold and start to shiver, I didn't bring a jumper so I scan the back seat of my car looking for something warm and the light goes out...

"Are you cold?" my teeth are chattering "come here" he says...

So he holds me to him and we look at the stars and talk some more bout the constellations and a few shooting stars we see... but we don't make any wishes, I can't think what to wish for... He touches me running his hands down my sides and over my tummy.... Then when its time for me to leave he hugs me about three times before I get in my car and tells me to text him when I get home....

1. I’m confused
2. We are just friends???
3. He has a girlfriend...
4. I don't know what this is...
5. Maybe it’s nothing…
6. HELP =]

So people I need advice, what do you think about all of this?
Please leave comments...

Its 2am and I can’t sleep too many things on my mind mostly thoughts of ‘taken guy’. As you can guess he’s got a girlfriend so he’s pretty of limits but I have a huge crush on him, he’s roughly 3 years older than me and has a lot of female friends and I work with him from time to time.

I feel as thought I get a lot of mixed signals from him for example one night when we were just talking he kept pulling me down to lay on the floor with him then he was running his hand through my hair and touching my face while we were talking.
I’m smart enough not to get involved with him while he’s in a relationship but still I really like him.

I have met his girlfriend when we were working and after one day she’s jealous of me??? Now that day I looked pretty bogan, I was wearing shorts and hot pink long thick sock with boots and on a 40 degree day in a hot shed, as you can imagine not so glamorous.

A few days after he told me that that night she woke him at 1.30am to tell him she was going to ‘go have a chat’ with me and tell me to ‘back off’.
So while we were kinda on the subject I asked him about the above mentioned ‘incident’ (the touching) he tells me that’s just him.

He’s not sleazy or a player or anything like that; he’s a real gentleman a beautiful soul.

So for the moment he’s like my best friend we talk like every night. I know when he’s fighting with his girlfriend and he knows when my family’s falling off the rails again. It’s like I’m a mystery to him, he can’t quite figure me out.

So any advice is always welcome…

For now I suppose there’s nothing I can really do…

Love is seems so long since I held you in my heart. I look but where do I find you. You’re not hiding under carpet or rock.

Are you there for the sudden moment that my heart stops as I gaze upon the young man whom I wish to befriend? Where do you hide, or do you just hibernate till things warm once more?

So many questions so little answers. I new love once, but our ending was not a fairy tale.

My eyes will be open tomorrow. My prince waits unknowingly.

Now where did I put those glass slippers???

When I was young I'd imagine the man of my dreams. I would try to think of everything and build an image in my mind of what he would be like, the way he'd act and the energy that he would radiate.

I was young, with not a care in the world but I didn't focus just on looks I thought about personality as well. Looking back on those days, I wounder what my younger self would have thought about my past relationships.

Only one was a real looker. The others were no real beauties. But there were things that I liked about there personalities or there smiles were so bright and there personalities shone through and looks just didn't matter anymore.

But the way I let some of these guys treat me. My younger self would never have aloud it. The man of my dreams never would have treated me in these ways but yet I let them walk all over me I no longer put myself first nor was I awarded first place in any of these people’s lives.

“The way I was treated by these people I loved was appalling; when I was younger I would not have played with them in the playground let alone think about entering into a romantic relationship with them.”

I’m glad this train of though stopped at my station. It’s given me a lot to think about. I’m going to go pick my standards up of the floor and maybe just maybe one day I'll meet my prince charming.

Well at least that’s what I wish upon those shooting stars.

We all make mistakes, some may have foresight into what will happen and avoid some sticky patches but even they make mistakes.

I know that I have made mistakes along the way but I don't regret any of them for I think that I would be a lesser person having not made them. Mistakes are a chance that we take when entering into life they are just at inevitable as death.

Thinking about past mistakes is not the best thing to do for you can not change the past, but you do create the future and you have the chance to shape it however you like.

One of my recent mistakes would be entering in to a relationship with someone on the presumption that we would be friends with benefits. Now this was a bad idea on a number of reasons.
1. This person has no respect for me what so ever
2. This person is manipulative
3. I deserved a whole lot more than what this person could ever give me
4. This relationship was of no "BENEFIT' to me that so ever (if you get my meaning)

So I’m making myself a new rule,

"I WILL NOT ENTER INTO A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS LACKING IN RESPECT OF ANY KIND."

Because I am worth it and I deserve far better that what I have had and the way I have been treated.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and it seems that the topic of body language keeps popping into my mind. Maybe it’s because I see it every day and everywhere.

Just today I was watching our two dogs they were showing aggression towards each other. It was subtle at first and then turned into a fight to become “top dog”.

Now it’s not just in animals, I see and read the body language of people when ever I am around them.

Some times it’s clearer to read than others but it is always there.

(Well unless maybe you happen to be talking to someone who is paralysed.)

Just the other day I saw someone and there body language was so clear it just about hit me in the face.

For example there is one person I know that doesn’t like me for some reason I don’t know why. Well on this occasion he happened to be sitting next to me. Usually I will talk to him but this day he didn’t want me to. Now he didn’t say this in fact he didn’t talk to me or say anything at all in my direction, he didn’t look at me and he sat with his back to me which was basically him putting up a wall. So he made it pretty clear that I wasn’t to talk to him and just through body language.

Not all body language is so negative, if someone wants to talk to you or they are “into you” they should make eye contact, they might move there body slightly so that they are facing you more directly and maybe even unconsciously mimic what you are doing.

Ok so I have done a little research in to body language, but it doesn’t hurt to know these things. The more you know the better equipped you are to take on the world I say.

This topic doses make me wonder, so I have a question for you.

Do you notice body language? If so can you read the body language that you are seeing?

Once upon a time there was a girl who was madly attracted to a boy. She was not slim or slender by any means. She felt as though no one would ever fall in love with her. She was 16 and had never been kissed.

The boy was beautiful when the girl looked at him she thought that he might be an angel. Others told her that he should never have been born and she felt the burn of anger in her heart when they said it.

My social along with my love life basically do not exist.


I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, I live in the country and went to a really small school which was in the middle of nowhere. I have been overseas for a year and coming back have no friends.

So I'm here as I want to make changes to my life. I want to fall in love with someone that is worth the effort and I thought that putting my "Heart on Display" would make a good topic for this blog.


I know its corny but I want to find the love of my life. I know I'm going to need some help along the way so if you feel you can help me out then leave me a comment.